You Don’t Have to Be Strict to Be Consistent
Why Self-Acceptance Will Take You Farther Than Perfectionism
Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out how to keep showing up—for myself, for my business, for the people I love—without burning out or breaking down.
And despite what you might think, the hardest part isn’t a lack of self discipline or an overwhelming desire to sleep until noon. It was accepting that I am human, that I am not perfect, that I can and will make mistakes.
Self acceptance is the key.
Without self acceptance, you can’t build new habits.
Without self acceptance, you can’t overcome resistance.
Without self acceptance, you can’t grow.
Trying to be consistent without self-acceptance is like trying to pull weeds by hand on an acre of wild farmland—exhausting, relentless, and kind of pointless. You sweat through every row, only to look back and see fresh weeds already sprouting where you just worked.
Self-acceptance doesn’t mean letting the weeds take over—it means stepping back long enough to find a better way.
Maybe you get better tools. Maybe you realize not all weeds need to be pulled. Either way, you stop working against yourself—and start working with yourself.
No matter how much you might crave perfectionism, you are human, and therefore, you are not perfect.
You can spend days trying to “figure it out”— and still the Universe could throw you a curve ball. And if you aren’t willing to love yourself when it all goes to shit, you’re dooming yourself to failure. Not because you can’t keep going—but because you’ll convince yourself it’s not worth it if it isn’t perfect.
I’ve learned (the hard way, of course), you can’t build something sustainable by being strict. You build it by being kind to yourself when you mess up—by choosing to show up again and again, no matter what life throws in your path.
Trying Harder Isn’t the Answer
For a long time, I was proud of my ability to be strict with myself.
I’ve done a lot of healing that requires real discipline—including one particularly difficult program where I had to stick to the keto diet for three months straight.
And sometimes, yes, you do need clear, firm boundaries to meet your goals.
But you also need to accept that sometimes those firm boundaries do more harm than good.
My ability to be strict with myself helped me meet a lot of goals, but it also created hard edges.
If things didn’t go to plan, I made it mean something about me personally—
That I wasn’t trying hard enough.
That I wasn’t committed enough.
That I was somehow missing the mark.
That belief made it hard to see the bigger picture.
In the bigger picture—I always came back. I always tried again the next day. I always made a new plan. I showed up again and again and again.
And that’s what consistency actually looks like.
Not a perfect to-do list with every box checked—But a gentle, determined commitment to show up.
You don’t need to be strict to be consistent.
In fact, being too strict can get in the way. It makes it feel like if you can’t do it “right” from the start, then it’s not worth doing at all.
But that’s a lie.
Consistency doesn’t ask you to be perfect.
It asks you to stay in it.
To commit to yourself, your values, and your why—even when things don’t go perfectly.
Especially then.
A Little Story About My Recent Digital Detox
A month ago, I finished a 30-day digital detox.
My detox had clear rules:
No phone before 8 am or after 8 pm
No scrolling social media
No TV
I was excited to commit. I’d been feeling like I needed a break from the constant scrolling, and I wanted to clear space in my mind for more presence, better sleep, and deeper connections with my friends and family.
And for the first couple of weeks, everything went smoothly. I felt like I could think clearly again. I spent more time reading and writing. I no longer felt like I wasn’t doing enough.
Then, I got a stomach bug.
A bad one—with a 102º fever and frequent trips to the bathroom.
I remember lying on my couch the first day, staring at the ceiling, fever burning through my body… and I refused to turn on the TV. I was so committed to keeping my detox “clean” that I just laid there, miserable and sweating, because I didn’t want to “fail.”
But by the second day, something in me softened. I thought—wait, isn’t the whole point of this detox to listen to myself better? To reconnect with what I need?
So I turned on the TV.
Not as an escape.
Not to numb out.
But to help me stay still while my body healed.
After I recovered, I heard that old, hardened voice creeping in:
You messed up. You broke the rules. You should start over.
But I decided not to listen. I didn’t think watching TV while I was sick made me a failure. The exact opposite, actually.
It was an act of self-love. A moment of trust in my body’s wisdom. And in the end, it’s what helped me make it to the end of my 30 digital detox.
Because consistency isn’t about white-knuckling your way through your commitments. It’s about coming back after you mess up with acceptance and love.
Self-Acceptance Softens the Hard Edges
Perfectionism makes you tight.
You can feel it in your body—the clench in your jaw, the grip in your belly, the tension in your shoulders as you try to do everything “right.” It makes you rigid, like you're holding your breath just to keep it all together.
That’s how I felt during the early days of my digital detox—tight, controlled, like I had to prove something to myself. Even when I was sick and feverish, I was still gripping my commitment so tightly that I forgot the point wasn’t just to follow rules. The point was to feel better.
Self-acceptance (and a fever) softened me because it reminded me that I could let go without giving up. That softness didn’t unravel my commitment—it deepened it.
Self-trust and self-acceptance are gentle, flowing energies. They don’t demand anything from you. All they ask is that you are present with what comes up in the moment.
They remind you that you can break your new habits and try again tomorrow. That life moves in cycles, and so do you.
When you stop holding on so tightly, you start to move more freely. You start to flow—with your energy, your body, your work, your life.
Commitment is the Seed
In the words of Richard Rudd:
“With commitment, you have no need to think about the future or the goal, because the commitment contains the seed of the goal within it. Only time will show where the river of each cycle of experience will lead.”
Basically: plant the seed, water it with love, and stop digging it up every five minutes to check if it’s growing.
Because here’s the truth:
You don’t need to get it right.
You don’t need a gold star.
You don’t even need to know where you’re going half the time.
You just need to show up.
If you can stay committed and kind to yourself—even when life throws curveballs, stomach bugs, or an unexpected day of Bones reruns—you're doing it right.
Self-acceptance is what lets you keep showing up. It’s what makes the journey sustainable—and even (dare I say it?) enjoyable.
So go on.
Stay soft.
Stay silly.
Stay showing up.
You’ve got this.
With love and light,
This Week’s Journaling Prompt—
How do I speak to myself when things don’t go as planned? Is it different than the way I would speak to my best friend or partner if they messed up?
And don’t forget to share with someone who needs to soften their edges for better commitment.
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