You Don’t Have to Carry What Isn’t Yours
How Letting Go Clears Your Mind—& Your Life
Do you know what it feels like to carry other people’s trauma? To process someone else’s emotions? To hold on to something that isn’t yours?
I think you do.
In one way or another, we are all holding onto something that doesn’t belong to us.
Maybe it’s a thing—a gift you never liked, a piece of clothing you never wear, a long-forgotten family heirloom that makes you think, why do I even have this? every time you see it.
Maybe it’s a secret—a story, a memory, a long-lost love that isn’t yours, but somehow, you're the one carrying its emotional weight.
Or maybe it’s unprocessed trauma—family drama, generational patterns, cultural conditioning you didn’t choose but inherited anyway. A legacy you wish belonged to someone else.
Sometimes, we hold on to other people’s stuff for a long time—especially if we were raised in an environment where it felt unsafe to let go. Other times, we pick up other people’s stuff in passing: from the girl bagging our groceries, the stranger on the train, the a**hole who cut us off on the highway.
But no matter where or how you picked it up, if you find yourself weighed down by something that isn’t yours, I’m here to give you permission to let that shit go.
Carrying the burdens of others can be overwhelming. It makes you feel heavy, scattered, and unable to change or grow.
But you are not responsible for carrying what isn’t yours. You can let go.
And when you begin to let go—one thing, one secret, one traumatic experience at a time—you create space.
Space for clarity. For peace. For your own healing.
At first, that space might feel strange or empty, like you’re suspended in a void between who you were (an emotional pack mule) and who you’re becoming (more and more yourself). But the void isn’t empty.
The void brings you back to yourself and to what matters. The void creates possibilities you never dreamed were possible. The void is a new beginning.
Stuff, Secrets, and Unprocessed Trauma—Oh My.
The things we pick up from others often have something to teach us. They show us what we’re willing to carry—and what we’re willing to sacrifice. They are the undercurrent of our energy, our choices, our relationships.
But everything we pick up carries weight—physical, emotional, or spiritual. And over time, if we accumulate too much, they can really bog us down.
Often physical, mental, and emotional clutter are a package deal. You don’t often see one without the other.
You might have a house full of stuff—and a body or mind that suffers because of it. Or maybe the clutter started inside you, and the piles of stuff in your home are just a reflection.
Either way, there is no right way to start letting go. No perfect day to begin. But if you want to create space in your life, you need to start somewhere.
So, in this post, I share my tips to let go of stuff, secrets, and unprocessed trauma. I’ll show you how to recognize what’s not yours, explore why you may have picked it up in the first place, and offer tools to help you let it go.
Get Rid of the Stuff
I am a professional organizer and I can tell you with certainty that you have stuff in your house right now that you do not need to keep.
We all hold onto stuff with the idea that we may need it some day or that we will miss it if we don’t have it anymore. But think about how much stuff you aren’t using. Think about the drawers and cabinets and closets full of stuff that are simply gathering dust waiting for someday.
This stuff isn’t just cluttering up your home, it clutters up your mind and energy. Seeing a closet full of stuff that you have yet to deal with causes anxiety. Opening a junk drawer and sifting through the stuff to find what you need takes up valuable time.
And while some of this stuff is yours, I guarantee there’s also plenty of stuff that isn’t. Relicts from a past life, mementos from your children, family heirlooms that never seem to fit in your life— when you are ready to let some of that go, here is your guide.
How to Get Rid of Stuff:
What it is: The boxes in your closet, the books you’ll never read, the clothes you don’t wear but can’t seem to donate. The old gifts you kept out of guilt, the things you inherited but never wanted, the stuff that feels more like an obligation than a belonging.
How it shows up: You walk past it every day—on the shelf, in the drawer, under the bed—and feel the weight of it in your body and mind. It may not scream for attention, but it whispers: Remember me? I still exist. You still haven’t dealt with me. Sometimes, it even feels comforting to keep it around—proof of who you were, who you belonged to, what you’ve been through.
Why we carry it: Sometimes we keep things out of guilt, nostalgia, or the hope that we’ll someday become the version of ourselves who wants them. We fear that letting go is dishonoring someone else’s memory—or worse, that it will erase a part of ourselves. But in reality, the thing itself isn’t the memory. It’s not the relationship. It’s just a thing.
How to let it go: Start with one object. Ask yourself: Is this truly mine? Do I want it in my life today? If it’s tied to someone else’s expectations, pain, or identity—give yourself permission to let it go.
You may also like to think about the object in relation to your future self. Does the person you want to become have this in their home? If the answer is no, it’s time to send it to a new home.
Let Go of Their Secrets
I can keep a secret. I learned that about myself after a breakup a few years ago. My ex and I lived together for six months after we ended the relationship, and I didn’t tell anyone except my best friend and my youngest sister for months.
I kept it a secret because the wound felt too fresh, too complicated to speak out loud. Plus, I didn’t want my family and friends bad-mouthing my ex while I was still living with him.
Sometimes, holding onto a secret is the only way to process something. It lets you feel your emotions without the added complication of dealing with other people’s opinions.
But are secrets good or bad? Is there a right time to keep them? Or a wrong time to share them?
I wonder about this often, especially when someone hands me a secret.
When you share a secret with someone you trust, are you asking them to share the weight of it? Does a secret get lighter when you share it? Or heavier?
Regardless, I had to learn the hard way that just because someone shares a secret with me doesn’t mean I have to hold onto it forever. The weight of their secret isn’t mine to carry. It’s their burden, their emotions, and I can listen, I can support—but I don’t have to keep the heaviness inside me.
If you are ready to let go of other people’s secrets, here’s where to start.
How to Let Go of Their Secrets
What they are: Secrets are the stories we were never meant to hold, but do anyway. They might be things someone confided in you long ago, or truths you discovered and weren’t supposed to know. Sometimes, they’re the words left unsaid in a family, the events that everyone pretends didn’t happen, or the feelings that were never acknowledged.
How they show up: They show up as tension in your body, a tight chest, a pit in your stomach. As anxiety when certain topics come up, or as an impulse to protect people who don’t even realize the cost of your silence. They can feel like ghosts—haunting conversations, decisions, and relationships with things left unspoken.
Why we carry them: We carry secrets because we love people. Because we want to protect them. Because we were taught that being loyal means being silent. Or maybe we were too young to say no, too scared to speak up, or too unsure of what the truth would change. But secrets don’t dissolve in silence—they grow heavy in it.
How to let them go: You don’t have to make a grand confession. Start by telling the truth to yourself. Write it down. Say it out loud in a safe space. Acknowledge that it’s not yours to carry forever. You can set it down without betraying anyone. Your peace matters too.
Sift Through Unprocessed Trauma
When I say let go of your unprocessed trauma, I’m talking about the emotions, thoughts, and words that never had a chance to be fully felt or expressed. I’m talking about the stuff that happened when you were younger that you're still holding onto. I’m talking about the relationships that ended, yet you still find yourself fantasizing about the life that ended with them.
Holding onto the past isn’t bad or wrong—but it can keep you from growing. It keeps you tied to the version of yourself who experienced those things, even if you've long since outgrown them.
Speaking from personal experience, letting go of trauma takes time. There are layers to the past that you don’t always see right away. I find myself facing the same limiting beliefs over and over. Sure, they show up a little differently each time, but they still circle back—reminding me there's another layer to unpeel.
What I’ve discovered is that a lot of the stuff I want to let go of isn’t actually mine. It's old beliefs passed down from my grandparents to my parents and then to me. Outdated ways of thinking that no longer serve the person I want to become.
So, I’ve found some ways to let that shit go. And if you're ready to do the same, here’s some guidance to help you get started.
How to Sift Through Unprocessed Trauma
What it is: Unprocessed trauma isn’t always your own. It can be inherited—woven into your family dynamics, passed down through generations, or absorbed through cultural and societal conditioning. It’s the pain that was never acknowledged, the healing that never happened, the grief that no one talked about but that shaped the way everyone lived.
How it shows up: It shows up in patterns that don’t make sense. Emotional reactivity that feels out of proportion. Ancestral wounds that play out in your choices, your relationships, your beliefs about who you are and what you deserve. It shows up in your nervous system—in the way your body braces for impact even when nothing’s wrong.
Why we carry it: Because no one else knew how to. Because you were sensitive, empathetic, or simply there. Because you thought that by holding it, you could help heal the people you love. Because sometimes it’s easier to absorb someone else’s pain than to watch them suffer. Or because it was never safe for them to process it—and so you did, quietly, in your own way.
How to let it go: Letting go starts with recognizing that you don’t have to repeat the cycle. That you can acknowledge the trauma without owning it.
Move your body. Scream into a pillow. Cry. Journal. Talk to a therapist. Practice energy work. Do whatever helps your body release. It’s okay if it’s messy. Healing inherited trauma isn’t about fixing the past—it’s about freeing you up for the future.
Boundaries
When I was kid, I was told that family doesn’t have boundaries. The result? I became a kind of emotional sponge for my family’s unprocessed emotions.
But when I started letting go of what isn’t mine, I realized that boundaries are essential.
Boundaries protect you from accumulating too much stuff. They protect you from other people’s emotional trauma and secrets. They even help you process generational trauma.
I think I was afraid that boundaries always meant saying no. And you do have to say no quite a lot when you first set boundaries. But when it comes to boundaries, a NO to someone else is really a big fat YES to you.
Yes to an uncluttered home.
Yes to a balanced emotional state.
Yes to one piece of generational trauma at time.
Yes to peace.
Yes to clarity.
Yes to space.
When I started setting (and holding) my boundaries, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction and empowerment. Like I was finally brave enough to tell the world, enough. I am done carrying what isn’t mine, I am done being an emotional dumping ground, I am taking my life back.
And that’s when things really began to shift.
Letting Go to Let In
Letting go is a process. It doesn’t have to happen overnight or even over the next several years. But if you really want more space, clarity, peace in your life— you do need to start somewhere.
Here are my best tips to let go:
Don’t pick it up in the first place
Boundaries are your best friend. Just because someone’s offering you their drama doesn’t mean you need to accept it.
Declutter regularly.
Schedule a weekly sweep to clear out what isn’t yours—mental, emotional, physical, all of it. Weekly is good, daily is better. If you feel like you don’t have time, that’s when you need it the most.Get help.
Whether it’s a therapist, coach, or professional organizer, sometimes you need someone to gently say, “That isn’t yours. You can let go.” You don’t have to do everything alone.Try meditation.
Great for clearing mental clutter. If you feel called to my content, join me for a live meditation practice every Thursday and Sunday, FREE on Insight Timer.Do some EFT tapping.
When emotions get sticky, tapping can help clear the emotional dumping ground and get you back to yourself. Grounding can also be useful, like this quick and easy meditation of mine.Create systems.
Everything in its place = less overwhelm, more ease. Systems have saved me from other people’s stuff more times than I can count. Journaling, meditating, grounding… There’s nothing more empowering that letting go of someone’s drama the same day it gets dumped on you.
You are not here to carry everyone else’s expectations, wounds, or energy. You’re not a storage unit for generational baggage. You’re a human being—complex, miraculous, and way too valuable to be weighed down by what was never yours to begin with.
Letting go isn’t always easy. Sometimes it means crying in the shower, journaling in a rage every time you talk to your parents, or dumping your whole closet into the trash. But every time you choose to release something—whether it’s a belief, a pattern, or just a dusty family relic—you make space.
Space to breathe.
To dream.
To create something entirely your own.
So go ahead. Say thank you and goodbye to what no longer fits. Love it and let it go. And trust that what is meant for you will find you in the void.
With love and light,
This Week’s Journaling Prompt:
Look around your house. What things are you holding onto that don’t belong to you? Do you want them in your house? Throw away or donate one thing you don’t want anymore.
Look at your thoughts. What are you keeping secret for yourself or others? Speak one of those secrets out loud this week, even if you are alone when you do it.
Look at your family. What patterns have repeated throughout the generations? Are you ready to find a new path? Daydream about a future that doesn’t involve repeating a family pattern.
And don’t forget to share with someone who holds onto things that aren’t theirs to hold.
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