What Love Taught Me About Money
Why the Part of Your Life That Works Is the Key to the One That Doesn’t
They say that when one area of your life is going well, another is bound to fall apart.
Well, I think that’s bullshit.
I believe you can have it all—love, money, creativity, health. You can feel lit up, grounded, and abundant in every area of your life at the same time.
But only if you believe you deserve it.
And that’s where most of us get stuck.
How do you actually start believing you’re worthy of everything you want? How do you get out of your own way long enough to let it in?
I may have figured out a hack for that.
Our minds are powerful. They define our limits, shape our identity, and determine what we think is possible. But if you want holistic success—across the board—you have to hack your own mind. You have to believe it’s possible.
Step one: believe.
Step two: act on that belief.
Without action, belief keeps us stuck in wishful thinking. Without belief, action just burns us out. We need both.
And that’s exactly where I got stuck...
I used to wonder how I was supposed to create a healthy relationship with money when my experience told me it was impossible. I wanted to believe I deserved more, but I didn’t know how to write a new story when I was still stuck in the old one. I couldn’t figure out what I needed to change and how to take action.
Then, during my monthly zoom call with my spiritual entrepreneur friends, the answer came to me.
Normally during our calls, we talk about business and money—what’s working, where we feel stuck, etc.
But on this particular day, one of the women wanted to share about her dating life instead.
As I listened to her talk about her current romantic problems, I had the opposite of an out-of-body experience. An in-body experience? A grounding experience?
Anyway, I went from listening with half an ear to listening with my whole body. I just knew that what she was saying was really, really important.
She talked about how hard she was trying to make her relationship work. About how she didn’t fully trust herself to know what to do next. About how she wanted to grow with her partner but didn’t want to force them to do something they didn’t want to do.
And I understood perfectly—because I’d been there before in my own romantic relationships. I’d faced many of the same demons and come out the other side.
I learned how to trust myself. How to let go of control. How to stay open to change, but not force it.
But that wasn’t what got my attention. What really intrigued me was that the way my friend described her romantic relationship was exactly how I felt about money.
And that made me wonder:
What if I didn’t need to start my relationship with money from scratch?
What if I just borrowed from one that already worked?
Stuck in Manifestation Limbo
They say that to create the life of your dreams, first, you need to become the person who has those things. The energy of being that person draws in the abundance.
But to do that, you need a baseline to tap into. An energy to emulate. A fresh path to follow.
No matter how bad you think you are at managing your life, I bet there’s something you know you’re good at. Maybe it’s your career, friendships, romantic relationships, habits, dedication to your community, or something completely unique to you.
That’s your baseline.
That’s where you start.
Our minds trip us up in manifestation because they only know what they’ve experienced. They use that knowledge to help us make “informed” choices—which is why, when we manifest from the mind alone, we end up going in circles.
I experienced this myself when I was trying to manifest a better relationship with money. I would daydream about making $6k a month or $300k a year. I’d imagine the house of my dreams with a garden full of flowers. But when it came down to it, I wasn’t showing up like someone who had those things.
Instead, I spent days worrying about when my next job would come in. I consistently spent more money than I made. I kept living the only way I knew how: getting money, spending money, and worrying about money.
My nervous system wasn’t prepared to hold any more money than I was currently making. I didn’t have the habits or the skills I would need to hold onto more money if I did make it. And, most importantly, all of that made me believe I didn’t deserve more money.
But then, I looked at my romantic relationships. At how calm I felt during first dates—knowing it was like a job interview, both parties testing the waters to see if it was a good fit.
I didn’t feel pressure to make things happen. I didn’t pretend to know what I was doing. I didn’t worry about ending up with the wrong person because I trusted that anyone I was drawn to had a lesson to teach me—big or small.
I realized that was the energy I needed to apply to money. That feeling of showing up, being myself, and trusting that it would all work out.
Improving my relationship with money wasn’t about forcing a new way of being—it was about remembering one that I already knew.
So I closed my eyes and pictured how I felt when I was dating someone who made me feel safe—how I didn’t need to prove anything or rush anything. Then, I’d imagine I felt that way with money. I’d say out loud, “Money always shows up when I need it.”
I’d journal about money as it we were in a relationship: What kind of partner was I to money? What energy was I bringing to the table?
I even started acting differently—opening my heart and relaxing my shoulders whenever I thought about money. Like someone who knew money would show up for her, because of course it would.
And slowly, that trust started to live in my body.
I stopped holding on so tightly and berating money for not showing up.
I allowed my relationship to be what it was. And that’s exactly what I needed to see the way things could be.
The future version of me felt safe with money. She knew it was going to show up. She trusted herself to spend it wisely. She was a true steward of wealth.
And once I felt that in my body, I started to take action from that place.
To show up for money the way I wanted money to show up for me. To allow money to emphasize the parts of myself I already loved. To make decisions from a place of trust—in money and in myself.
And you can do it too.
How I Started Showing Up for Money
If I wanted money to show up for me, I had to show up for it.
That was the revelation.
And as I said before, it echoed something I’d learned from my love life: no one can love you more than you love yourself. The same goes for trust, consistency, respect, and safety. You only receive what you’re willing to give.
So I took the same approach I’d used after a breakup, when I finally realized I was expecting someone else to do for me what I wasn’t yet doing for myself.
And these are the three actions that changed everything:
1. I Created Consistent, Loving Check-Ins
After my longest relationship ended, I spent months rebuilding how I showed up for me. I meditated. I journaled. I moved. I ate nourishing meals. I spoke to myself with kindness. I made rituals out of the smallest self-care acts. And eventually, I learned how to feel safe with me.
So I asked myself: what does it look like to bring that same consistency and care to money?
I started small. Daily money check-ins. Honest budgeting. Tracking my expenses without shame. Naming what I needed to feel supported financially.
I showed up for money the way I wanted money to show up for me: consistently, respectfully, without fear.
2. I Reconnected With My Body
I’ve learned again and again that trust starts in the body. You can’t think your way into safety—you have to feel it.
And when it came to money, my body wasn’t feeling safe at all.
My nervous system was wired for scarcity. When money came in, I found ways to spend it. Not because I was irresponsible, but because my system wasn’t calibrated to hold it. I was too activated, too dysregulated.
So I started doing the work to change that.
Somatic practices. Grounding breathwork. EFT tapping. Placing a hand over my heart while I looked at my bank account. Small things that told my body, “We’re safe. We deserve to have money.”
I practiced being in relationship with money like I would a partner—holding on loosely, but not letting go.
Not checking out. Not clinging. Just being there. Like holding someone’s hand: gently, with intention, and without fear that letting go means it’s gone forever.
3. I Shifted My Energy From Fixing to Appreciating
For a long time, I treated money like a problem to solve. I kept trying to figure it out. But underneath all that effort was fear: fear I’d never figure it out, fear I wasn’t good enough, fear that more was always out of reach.
Eventually, I realized: money isn’t something to fix—it’s something to appreciate.
I wrote letters to money. I thanked it when I bought groceries or filled my gas tank. I noticed when it came in, no matter how small the amount, and I celebrated it.
I started thinking of money as a partner—not perfect, not all-powerful, but present. I stopped demanding it prove itself to me. I started seeing the ways it already had.
And one small but powerful thing that helped?
Taking a break from social media.
Stepping away from the curated stories and lifestyle reels gave me the space to actually see and appreciate my own life and growth.
The way you think about money is the way you relate to it. And when I stopped treating it like the enemy, it stopped acting like one.
These three strategies—consistent check-ins, body awareness, and gratitude—aren’t just for money. They can shift any area of your life.
Up until recently, I had no idea how to improve my relationship to money. I couldn’t see the actions I should be taking because I was so caught up in the old patterns, scarcity, and fear.
And I think that’s normal. When we’re not ready to face what’s really in the way, it’s hard to see the path forward. We don’t know what we don’t know.
But once I began to see money as a relationship everything changed.
It was like a curtain lifted. The mystery was gone.
I didn’t feel like I had to figure it all out anymore—I could relax into the relationship. Let myself mess up. Learn. Choose differently.
And if I can do it, so can you.
Now, It’s Your Turn
How we do one thing is how we do everything.
So ask yourself: Where do I already feel successful? Is it your health, romance, friendships, creativity, family?
Think about the area of your life that always seems to work itself out. The place where you feel strong enough to keep going—even after you fuck up.
Then, notice how that success feels in your body. Feel how your shoulders drop, how your jaw unclenches, how you soften. Let that embodied trust sink in.
Next, bring to mind the area where you struggle. The part of your life that’s always felt hard, confusing, stuck. And instead of letting your mind spiral into another loop of “why can’t I figure this out,” let your body lead the way.
For me, that meant borrowing the trust I’ve always had in love—that deep knowing that the right person will show up at the right time—and applying it to money. Trusting that money, like love, will show up if and when I need it. That I don’t have to chase it, force it, or fix it. I just have to show up.
Because here’s the truth: I’m not bad with money—I just didn’t know how to be a good partner to it yet.
And over the last few years, I’ve learned that, like any relationship, I need to show up for money the way I want it to show up for me: present, respectful, authentic, and communicative.
So now, it’s your turn.
Your turn to stop letting how you were dictate how you are.
Your turn to stop letting what other people say define your worth.
Your turn to learn from your own strengths—and become the person you’ve always known you could be.
And don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have it all. You absolutely can.
You just have to believe you’re worthy of the whole damn cake—and not apologize when you go back for seconds.
This Week’s Journaling Prompt:
What area of life do you excel in? Struggle in? What lessons have you learned that you can apply from areas where you excel to areas where you struggle?
And don’t forget to share this with someone who wants to eat a whole cake.
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